When most people think of success, they think of bettering themselves, advancing their own career and gaining notoriety.  The problem with this success mentality is that it’s too focused on the individual.  It’s not the focus you put on yourself, it’s the attention others give you when you become valuable to them that makes you successful.  When you become significant in the lives of others, you will live a life of success on all levels.  You can become significant to someone by bringing value to their business, adding insight to their lives, or even just showing that you take an active interest in their cause.  By becoming involved in your community for the good of those who live in it, people will recognize your efforts and see that you are not only interested in profitable success.  Stay active in your community and maintain an awareness of its current problems and issues.  A major issue many communities are facing is how to make sure the Baby Boomer generation is properly cared for after they have exited the workforce.  It is important to think about how we can give back to this group that has given so much.  Giving back brings many people the joy that is needed to live a full and balanced life, and these often become some of the most successful individuals.  Focus on balancing your life by focusing on others, and others will recognize your dedication.  Success will follow. 

I will be speaking more about finding a balanced life, as well as some of the lessons in "The Daily Six" tomorrow at the Florida Association of Homes and Services for the Aging's 26th annual workshop at the downtown Jacksonville Hyatt Regency.  Click here to learn more about the workshop and FAHSA. 

During my networking with the Jacksonville Business Journal workshop, many attendees seemed very interested in getting a copy of “The Stack,” which I learned from my friend Mahan Tavakoli at The Dale Carnegie Center for Excellence in Washington, D.C.  I think this is because for many people, when they finally get enough confidence to approach a group at a networking event, they still struggle with what to talk about.  “The Stack” is a visual aide you can remember next time you are at one of these events and find yourself tongue-tied.  It offers some basic questions that everyone can answer, and they will give you a good insight into the life of whom you’re speaking with. 

First, think of a business card.  A giant, polished marble business card with your name etched in gold and diamonds all around the border.  Then, imagine that there is a large crack in the business card because a two-story red brick house is sitting on top of it.  This house has two windows and a large chimney on the right side of the roof.  Coming out of this chimney is a giant work glove with two children sitting in it – a boy and a girl.  The boy is reading a book and the girl is holding a tennis racket.  The tennis racket is almost the size of the house, and it shoots straight up out of her hand and into the sky.  An airplane with a college banner attached to the tail is flying into the tennis racket like a net, and through the window, you can see the pilot reading a book.  A large goal post is protruding from his book like a pop-up, and standing next to it is a referee holding up his arms in “goal” position.

Although these images seem unconnected, each represents something you can ask to get to know another person when you are networking. 

• The business card.  Introduce yourself.  Tell them who you are, where you’re from and what you do and ask the same of them.

• The house.  Ask where they are from.  How long have they been living here?  Where in the area do they live? What brought them here?

• The glove.  Ask more about their job.  What do you like about your job?  What made you choose that industry?  What do you do when you're not working?

• The children with the book and the tennis racket.  Ask if they have kids.  How old are your kids?  What are they interested in?

• The airplane.  Ask about traveling.  Have they been on any recent trips or visited some of the same places as you?

• The college banner.  Ask about where they attended college.  Do you still follow the sports teams?  What did you like about that college?

• The referee and goal post projecting from the pilot’s book.  You’ve scored.  Once you’ve gotten to this image and past all the other series of questions, you’ve succeeded in making a memorable impression on the other person.  Now you have a sense of who they are and what they are looking for.

When I started in business, I was always told, “It’s who you know, not what you know.”  That might have been true years ago, but today, much more is required to succeed. Now, the phrase should be, “It’s not who you know, it’s who wants to know you.” 

I have attended many events with “networking time” before or after the main presentation. You can -- and will -- build your network and business by attending these events and using the right techniques.  Making a connection with someone by exchanging cards and then forming a long-term client relationship with them is rare.  In fact, it has only happened to me just once.  If all you have done at an event is spend 30 seconds at a time engaging in a conversation and collecting cards, you have missed the whole point.  If you want to be effective in networking today, you must connect with the other person quickly.  Simply telling someone what you do or where they can reach you is not the way to connect.

Some suggestions for connecting:

·         Be someone that the other person wants to connect with because you bring value, such as making their life better personally or professionally. Demonstrate that you understand their needs and goals.

·         Don’t look over your listener’s shoulder to figure out who to speak with next. Slow down.

·         Ask questions that will get you closer to the real person.  For example, ask “Where do you live? Where did you go to school? Do you have family in the area?”  By asking these types of questions, whatever contact you make in the future will mean much more. The person will understand that they mean more to you than just a business card and an e-mail address.

·         When you return to your office after an event, make notes about the people you’ve met. Give yourself a clear picture of their goals and needs. Think of ways you can connect them with others in your network.  How can you be of maximum value to this new contact?

After years of practice networking, I have finally mastered the art of relationship building.  Now, more often than not, when I leave a message with a prospect, I get my call returned. Achieve networking success through connections with people, not collections of data.  Register now for my networking workshop on Sept. 3 at NOVA Southeastern University, here in Jacksonville, located at 665 Corporate Center Parkway.

When asked, many professionals would say they'd rather sit in the audience than stand up and speak in front of a group. They want to avoid public speaking at all costs.   However, in business and in life, that is not always an option.  These five tips will help you to gain confidence and reduce stress the next time you are on the eve of a presentation or speech. 

1. Be confident. Studies show that more people are afraid of public speaking than of dying.  There is no need to be afraid if you make yourself an expert on the subject. Do your research before the big speech so you can speak out of knowledge instead of memorization.
2. Know your audience. Each speech you deliver should be tailored specifically for that audience. Try to apply specific information or scenarios to whom you are speaking. If they feel personally connected to your speech, you will be able to relate to them and build trust.
3. Make your story strong. Not only should the information you present be timely and relevant to your audience, but it should also be brief. Nothing ruins an event like a speaker who goes far over his or her time limit. Make a list of crucial points you want to deliver and keep it with you during your speech so you don't stray from relevant topics.
4. Prepare for questions. More often than not, your audience will ask you questions during or after a speech. By identifying and answering possible questions beforehand, you can make sure you are not thrown off by anything your audience asks.
5. Make yourself available after speeches. Making a connection with an audience during a speech has little value if you can't connect with them personally after. At the end of your speech, announce where you will be directly after or simply position yourself in an open area for the rest of the event. Some audience members may have questions or comments they did not ask during your speech. Remember, the speaker might not be the only one who is afraid of public speaking. 
   

Before your next speech, follow these tips, take a deep breath and you will be ready.