How to Create a Habit of Self-confidence

A self-confident person is one who has a quiet acceptance about themselves, realistic about their strengths and weaknesses. They know they won’t succeed at everything they do, and don’t have a problem with this fact.  They don’t view the world through the eyes of a victim. They take responsibility for their actions.

On the other hand, people who lack self-confidence focus on what’s ‘wrong’ with themselves.  They have a running monologue in their brain that judges them negatively.  They often seek approval from others. Unconfident people avoid taking steps toward their goals in life, fearing they will fail.  They can’t accept compliments and are self-conscious about their perceived flaws.

What’s important to realize is that self-confident people aren’t born that way.  The traits that confident people have can be learned.  Negative self-images can be changed, but it takes work to create new habits of thinking.  It starts with that first step, choosing to change your outlook.

How to create a habit of self-confidence

  1. Make a concentrated effort to replace negative self-talk with positive self-talk. Need some help? Listen to positive thinking CDs and read inspirational books. Do some research; find out what it takes to change bad habits.  It won’t be easy, but it will be well worth it.
  2. Create a mind-set of gratitude.  Every night, before bed, think about the things in your life that you’re grateful for.  Think about your accomplishments.  Focus on the things you did well that day.  This is a good way to get rid of that negative self-talk.
  3. Create success for yourself.  You can do that by accepting failure.  This means taking risks and working toward your goals, even though success isn’t guaranteed.  Those inevitable failures in life are valuable learning experiences.  A failure that results in a “ah-ha” moment is a stepping stone to success in reaching a goal.
  4.  Take care of yourself, physically and mentally.  Eating healthy food and having a regular exercise program will help you achieve a confidence in your body’s abilities; along with boosting your self-esteem.  To enhance your mental health, take steps to manage stress, get enough sleep, and socialize with friends and family.
  5. When conversing with others, make a habit of active listening. We often worry about what others think about us, but when we get to know other people, we find out that they have the same fears.  Listening to others and helping them become more confident boosts our own self-confidence.
  6. When facing a situation that makes you apprehensive, such as an important job interview, do your best to prepare and practice, by using online and other resources.  When facing a new situation in life, it helps to research and learn about that situation in order to help you handle your uncertainties.
  7. Stand up for yourself in an assertive way and hold onto your values. Attempting to live by other people’s values and beliefs, rather than your own, makes you doubt yourself.
  8. Finally, stand tall, and walk with a purpose.  Wear clothes that make you feel and look good. When people compliment you, simply say “thank you,” with a smile.  Take time to compliment others.  Don’t take yourself too seriously; laugh at yourself.  Socialize with people who are positive, not those who drag you down.

Building self-confidence isn’t something that will happen overnight.  But it’s a trait worth pursuing, because it can help us meet life’s challenges with a ‘can-do’ attitude.  The self-confidence habit can help us reach our life goals and live a happier life.


John Chappelear
John is an award-winning author, consultant and speaker, with more than 30 years experience as an executive and entrepreneur. He is recognized internationally as an expert in individual and organizational wellness. His book, The Daily Six, has helped individuals and organizations across the world become more positive and productive. He is the founder of Changing the Focus, LLC which creates and delivers programs that builds positive, powerful, and balanced individuals, and more productive, creative, and profitable organizations.